


We Cried Power

by Calesvol



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Post-Endgame, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 20:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18631006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calesvol/pseuds/Calesvol
Summary: When they were alone, two of the strongest were finally allowed to grieve.





	We Cried Power

Warning(s): G, Endgame spoilers, death mention

* * *

They wept the way heroes were supposed to, Carol supposed. On that clear day, some uncertain intermission between spring and summer, hands in her trouser pockets—she didn’t think she’d be this affected. She didn’t know Tony Stark like the others did, and maybe she didn’t have to. Throughout the funeral—a small, intimate affair—it made her question everything. For over thirty years, she’d been away from earth. Closer to forty if you counted the five years spent to and from this planet. Carol was certain she’d seen it all, bottling everything up so no one would doubt the strength, both inwards and outwards, of Captain Marvel.

 

But, if she looked around, she wasn’t the only one keeping their feelings boarded up, like some bankrupt, abandoned shop on the middle of Main street. Something that tried to hide the collapse, but you knew just by looking at it how much that wasn’t true. She felt it then, overlooking the lake. Mourning not just for someone who had become an ally, but for so much else, too.

 

They needed sanctuary. As the world was waking up again, people reclaiming what had been lost and finding their lives again, she’d needed to get away. But, not alone.

 

The clacking of the train tracks was like subdued and steady rainfall. The scenic view of the Swiss Alps as the train had long since departed from Bern was almost unnerving in its beauty, the verdant forests crossing with quaint villages and the occasional castle, through long, dark tunnels, seeming surreal compared to the upheaval and carnage they’d just come from. A sky dotted with occasional clouds in a tapestry of flawless azure was like it’d never been trespassed by Thanos’ coming in the first place.

 

“So, we just gonna be quiet the whole time, or are we gonna talk about what happened?”

 

The blonde glanced down at her companion who had been fast asleep just a moment ago, nestled into her side with his cheek to her chest, an arm around her middle as they reclined in the cushy bed in the sleeper car they occupied. Having been embracing him, fingers caressing over his clean-shaven scalp, the corners of Carol’s lips quirked.

 

“You were snoring and I didn’t want to wake you, Colonel,” she said with a touch of humor in her voice, earning a dry chuckle from Nick.

 

“Fair enough, Captain,” Nick quipped back, exhaling steadily. A pregnant pause suspended over them they were both aware of, like an elephant in the room. A coil of tension wound tightly in between them, thick enough for only a Vibranium knife to cut.

 

“If I’d have gotten here sooner—“ came Carol’s sudden confession, a strain beginning in her voice before Fury cut her off.

 

“You know damn well it’s not your fault, Danvers. It’s not just on you. You know that,” Fury interjected as his gaze flicked towards her, as if they weren’t on the train anymore. The world falling away even further.

 

It was the explosion during that mission with Dr. Lawson. The Supreme Intelligence forcing her to her knees after capture. The final battle with Thanos and everything in between, the time she’d been there and hadn’t—

 

“It doesn’t feel like that. Sure, I get it. Captain Marvel is everywhere these days, but—dammit, this is my home! This little blue rock was in danger and I could’ve done something to stop it. If I’d only been here sooner!” So, was this what collapse was like? How much she’d been holding in? Carol’s head bowed and the train continued its seemingly ceaseless roll through the Swiss Alps, no quick reply from Nick, because he understood. He peered further to see the woman’s lower lip worrying, beads of tears rolling down her cheek.

 

Of everything immeasurable and incredible he’d seen in all his life, Carol Danvers crying wasn’t one of them. But even heroes weren’t immune. Maybe it was Tony Stark’s funeral that popped the cork from the bottle, over thirty years old. Vintage as old as his. Life had been lost, memories scattered, hell—even Nick couldn’t deny the clump in his throat, something about Carol’s own crumbling making it feel like it was okay to finally weep.

 

These people meant the world to him. The Avengers, the very name the Carol had indirectly inspired all those years ago. Bullheaded on the best of days, he’d be the last person to deny that Romanoff and Stark’s deaths, as well as Cap’s paradoxical but understandable wish to remain in the past, had impacted him. He’d seen innumerable deaths; incalculable. In every trial and tribulation, he’d seen fellow soldiers die alongside citizens, but who he was hadn’t given him the luxury to indulge in grief, or misery. He’d remained strong through it all.

 

And if the woman who meant the world to him could collapse, so could he.

 

The world was unfocused, blurry then. When they bothered to look. For now, it was minute shuddering and stilted sobs, Nick’s restrained, but—God, it felt like fire. Carol enveloped him wholly, engulfing him in the vacuum of space itself. The clacking of the tracks, the passage of the Swiss countryside like a film reel; it was like none of that was there. His eyes were wet and misty where they could be, thinking of how he’d have to let the eye-patch dry.

 

It hit them harder than they thought it would. You couldn’t build without a strong foundation, Carol named the strongest Avenger. So, here they were. A sword and shield, a shield and sword; interchangeable, but that strength remained the same. They had to let go, needed to.

 

“Thinking about him, made me wonder: maybe I should retire. You know, settle down somewhere real nice. Someplace like this.” Carol emerged from her grief with a sniffle, Nick knowing she was listening. He gaze wandered out the window, her embrace all he needed. “One of those pipe dreams where I open up a bar, kinda a jazzy place. Switzerland ain’t really known for jazz. Bring in some real smooth New York jazz to this place.” He smirked against her breast. “Once a month, we’ll bring in Lang to do his tricks. Something nice and corny.”

 

“We?” Carol queried out from the blue, swallowing thickly.

 

“Yeah, we. You used to have a nice place you used to hang out, right? A canteen, same as every soldier. Dogs of war need a watering hole.” His smile broadened despite the wet streaks on his cheeks, skin stinging when he smiled.

 

“Huh, you make a point there, Fury,” Carol considered with a smile, her own tears remaining unbothered where they lingered. Her toes twitched as if to some invisible beat. “You do realize this means I get to choose the tracks on the jukebox _and_ the name, right?” Despite the puffiness of her eyes, her smile was more radiant than the cosmic light she was capable of producing. If anything, it was the brightest thing he’d ever damn seen.

 

“Better be a good one, and with some Motown on that track list, or else we’ll be bringing in Lang on ladies’ night. You really want that hanging over your head, Danvers?” he teased back with a grin that elicited a snort from the blonde.

 

“I think I can live with that on my conscience. Try again, Fury.”

 

They both knew, despite the levity buoyed in this sea of grief, that such a dream wasn’t likely to pass. It was nice playing make believe, jostling each other with a pipe dream, because that’s all it was. Tony and Nat’s deaths crystallized a reality every Avenger knew, but was unwilling to say aloud.

 

There was no stopping. A quiet death somewhere peaceful, after growing old, wasn’t for them. People like them didn’t get peaceful endings, but went out in some blaze of glory, foolhardy or no. Carol knew this in her heart when she’d watched Tony pass on in that blaze of glory, in the blinding penumbra of light that had swallowed everything blindingly. And in the stuttering moments after, seeing Tony transfigured like a pillar of salt, charred from the blaze. In his fire she couldn’t help but see herself, vividly. In a single moment of life and death, and the time between clinging to it for the sake of other people, she saw herself. Burning up as brightly protecting those she loved.

 

Except, when her time came, she might not be so lucky.

 

She might not face her demise surrounded by everyone she loved.

 

“It’s a nice dream, isn’t it? Pretty noble, too—bringing jazz to Switzerland,” Carol ventured through a closing throat, eyes misting over again. It bobbed as she swallowed tightly. “But, I think we both know what’s going to come after this. We’re not going to stop. We’re never going to stop until it kills us. And we won’t need the Infinity Stones to do it.”

 

It was a long spell of silence after she said that, sinking again into the movement of the train, the film reel landscape passing continuously by, and his ear pressed into her heart. Even though it was heavy, it was the truth. The same the others knew but pushed into the farthest recesses of their minds.

 

“...Yeah,” Fury conceded after a long spell of silence, shifting some in Carol’s arms, feeling her lips brush the crown of his head, lingering. “Doesn’t mean we can’t have moments like this. Remembering that we’re still human, and all. Think we should enjoy them, don’t you?”

 

At that, Carol managed a thin but genuine smile. Though she didn’t feel like saying anything more, he was right. Completely and absolutely right.

 

Until that time came, they were allowed this. Until that happened, she had Fury in her arms and all felt right with the world.


End file.
